Im here to stay...

I swear...

2010-01-07T11:08:40Z

The closer my case gets to being done and over with, the longer it seems to take to finish ><

and I mean literally...ill have waited over a month for reports, that where completed a LONG time ago...to have finally reach their destinations, and the person getting them to "get the time" to go over them and put it all together...

and when I get to know about it, ill get to call up my lawyer types and schedual apointment...cause they dont wana schedual an apointment ahead of time...OH NO, that would make fucking sence...

*head desk*

im hoping ill get lucky and the Phyc report will give the the green light to talk to a professional...cause i may need some wiffle bat treatment...

zomg!

2009-12-28T11:43:11Z

I can haz computer!!!!!

*does happy dance*

and its all sparkly and new...and...and...its AWESOME...

Lorenzo is jealous *nods* i shall taunt more of my friends as i weasle them over to my house

update

2009-12-26T09:47:00Z

For starters, my overall mood is slightly brighter.

Christmass was okay...nothing tremendous or miracle tastic, but it wasnt a sham either.

I shall has computer fixed and up and running within the next few days.

AVATAR is freaking AWESOME! my family is planning on seeing it at IMAX simply cause the 3D and whole IMAX experience will make that movie 10X better than seeing it 2D...and 2D was FREAKING AWESOME.

so yeah...beyond that, I can say the blarg of being single again has churned the need to make it go away. Though Im having complications on the matter...too much on muh plate me thinks, or perhaps other issues...something along the lines of needing to get out of the bloody country to find a misses...but as I said, thats just a complication, and not exactly a problem...still figuring out what the hell I want really...

WOOT!!

2009-12-18T08:14:36Z

My lil bro is home for Christmas!

*does happy dance*

much squeeing had by me *nods*

so get this

2009-12-10T20:51:11Z

last night im goin through my usual routine to get to sleep

i manage to fall asleep sometime between 1 and 2 am...just to wake up with the sensation my room is shrinking all around me. THEN, i find my throat is either filled with bile or I just vomited in my sleep. I pad around to see if i was gonna have to change muh sheets and luckily find nothing. So instead i have to deal with breathing and coughing bile...very unpleasent. eventually it turns out it was just a little gas or something like it, cause it started to go away and come back, till i turned to my trash can by my bed incase it was to end in hurly badness. one last nasty bile taste and it was gone...no fun, no fun at all...

and in the news about my work comp case, shinanigans are had! wheeee

So the defence attournys felt they had the power to schedual me a new QME with the SAME doctor that rulled me 100% A-OK damn near a year ago. They did this without proper consultation with my lawyers as they have been dealing with the defence to see what doctor they could both agree on. When I called my lawyers about recieving the appointment in the mail from the other lawyers, they told me not to go till they send me a letter telling me to go. I did make it clear I did not want to see that doctor again...and I hope my lawyers stick to that...that doc was a duche.

update

2009-12-08T05:19:31Z

I wish I had a real update...but I dont

so yeah...just alotta nothing happening

So yeah...

2009-11-24T07:55:54Z

For the record, someone done fucked up...they got called out on it, tried to deflect but failed. They are now gonna have to learn to grow the eff up and deal with life without blaming mommy and daddy.

And I dont feel bad either...and when I think about why, its not cause im an ass, or a bad person...its because I did everything and then some. So I feel that after giving it my all, and getting nothing more than token "ideas" or "thoughts" but nothing truely tangible, I R DONE.

Course this is gonna cause me more problems over the next couple months...le sigh...yes months...but if things keep goin shitty I have alternatives. I just cant be that ass hat duchebag some might be in my place.

I honestly think that if they didnt fuck up baddly, probly woulda been fine...but oh well, no calls letting me know they where even alive for almost a week (5 days to be exact) kinda adds the anti-camel straw.

though I have to say this, I am feeling better about all of this now that I am posting it here, allowing more than just the 2 other friends who know about it, to know. Ill probly keep the facade up and lie more if people dont know until they find another place for their stuff...as its stuck in my house till MAYBE Feburary. Ugh...

On a related note, but one most dont wana know about, ive gotten more without than i did with...oh so very sad I know...

And all this WITH my back, which is gonna most likely be put on my doctors report as stationary and perminant. And Ill hopefully get some phyco-ologist (yes on purpose) appointments to help me root out better ways of dealing with my all encompassing depression and anger/irritability issues.

With my computer mimicing a BBQ, its also a little bit more difficult to make it through my days.

And to give a colorful (sorta) description so people get an idea...its like walking through thick pea soup fog with a light glow everywhere so you know your walking through fog. where there should be people, stuff, and just life...there is only fog. Cold and dreary, and generally miserable, but not like getting hailed on or roasted on fire...just a blah kinda malaise. most people see me at game or when I force myself into a better mood than normal. trust me, those times are definately the exception at this point. which, even though I feel better about the drama-tastic part of the blargness, I am once again asking myself why bother posting...I dont know if anybody actually gives two shits, and even if someone did, what difference would it make? Im still gonna feel alone and miserable, with only cats (which I cant pet without hurting a little). I know logically its not true, and that logically thats only my depression makeing me feel that way...but I dont wake up with logic, nor does logic help me fall asleep at night and keep me asleep. With is an issue BTW...sleep dep is something I have been dealing with, but as I dont eat much nor DO anything, I think the needs of my body have just plain dropped so Im not doin too bad...but then I dunno, and the doctors havent told me anything on the matter.

so yeah...

Tall redhead with a kind smile and round(ish) face...dream person that made me feel happy a few days back...I miss feeling happy...It was my cookie me thinks...not sure though...

Limits...

2009-11-16T02:05:22Z

There really is a limit to how much disrespect one can take before enough is enough.

so done...

update

2009-11-14T00:45:14Z

So, the past week has alot of suckage...

I has issues, yay issues...

someone else is causing me issues...booo

My computer caught fire...yes caught on FIRE...at 5 am...I caught it in time thnx to not being able to sleep well thnx to back issues...so yeah, case and a number of vitals where toasted, so compy is deadified.

truehearted @ 2009-11-03T22:45:00

2009-11-04T06:46:15Z

Hello Head

Hello Desk

Head meet Desk

...

Desk...was that neccessary...

stuff

2009-10-30T19:12:27Z

as updates go..

nothing new to report...blarg

WTB less douche baggery IMO

The Story of Stuff

2009-10-21T04:10:22Z

Its a bit much in some parts...but the overall message I think is important...

and for the statistics buffs, they might get a kick...i dunno...but i know tree huggers love this :D

Today...

2009-10-15T06:42:42Z

so it is becomeing more and more apperent that I am going crazy...

not like straight jacket crazy...or at least not yet...but that im loosing control over my mental and emotional faculties.

I am definately becoming more and more tempermental. very much more aggressive, and I am at a fraction of my patients level. things that are just annoying, i get pissed about. And that makes me want to hit, smack, break, or just in general lash out physically and with malice.

no fun...

luckily, I have already talked to my doctor about this.

unfortunetly, i cannot affort help, AND my lawyers are still in litigation with the douche bag insurance company over my work comp case, and quagmireing any hope of seeing a doctor to help me sort this shit out.

I plan on calling my lawyer...eventually...and hopefully getting them to light a few fires to get me some help, cause yeah...i dun know when, but Ill start doin shit ill really regret sooner or later if i dun get help...

IF only smashing my head into a coma worked to pass the time >

dilema

2009-10-13T08:37:50Z

so here is my pickle...

a person is over sleeping, not exercising, and eating poorly. They are physically getting worse and worse, and mentally failing at many things.

Telling them to change their habits directly, and through passive aggresive means have all failed. the person chooses to slowly destroy their life, and not listen to friends.

How do we fix this bad behavior?

Any and all thoughts are welcomed.

zomg!

2009-09-25T02:09:55Z

I gots muh murlock pet!!!

yay Grunty!!!

*does happy dance*

though im more happy that im happy than the happy of getting the pet...decode THAT suckuahs!

oddity

2009-09-13T20:39:11Z

so today, my dad asked me to go get some BBQ chicken

well as i was driving to KFC, i had the urge to blare Eminem...

with that, i wanted to drive slow as hell and have windows down so everybody could hear the music...

the only purpose was to piss people off...and the thought made me happier...

very odd for me to have said thoughts and wants...but yeah...it was tempting...

so yeah...

2009-09-05T04:10:05Z

The issue with my lil bro's back injury have finally been cleared up for me.

He has Shermins disease and a fractured vertabre

So yeah, thats what took him out of being a Marine...poor guy...

I feel bad for the little guy, he so baddly wanted to murder them bad guys...but...the upside is he wont be murdered now :D

He comes home tonight *nods*

With him back home, that makes 3 men injured at home...go team!

For the Record

2009-08-25T06:27:34Z

Blizzcon was fairly Epic...

No I didnt get to go, but I bought the PayPerView so I could at least watch.

It wasnt as good as being there, but hey, at least I got to see nifty stuff...AND...

I have a CHANCE, out of all the people who ordered and attended...to get 1 of 1000 Starcraft 2 beta keys...

i know...super low chance...but cmon...im an optomist so I gots a chance none the less :D

And for those that dont give a shitzlestick...move along hehe

Today...

2009-08-17T15:17:00Z

Today, i has my deposition

yay

time to get pissed off that people are trying to say im a faker and not really injured...

bleh...

ATTENTION LJ LAND

2009-08-05T18:37:47Z

Okay, my doctor has run out of treatment ideas for my back. And has told me that it would be a good idea to research different treatments that he may not know about.

So, as part of that, I shall draw upon the lot of my peers, with their zany ability to know random FAQ.

If you have a suggestion on how to treat a herniated disk or low back pain, Im all ears and will most likely bring it to my doctor so he can give his medical opinion.

Bring it on people....bring, it, ON!

seriously...

2009-07-21T09:41:49Z

well, for the past couple months ive just been feeling crappy...im more irritible, less patient, more aloof, sometimes angry, sometimes depressed, and generally just all round miserable.

I finally talked to my doc about it, and he gave me a form to check off my issues and then sign...

the fact that he had a form tells me its not all that uncommon...

to alieviate the confusion, this is all pertaining to my back injury.

i dunno...its just so frustrating to have all these limitations on my life...its starting to make me feel like my injury is a prison. I want to be able to do goofy random acts of energy, runnin around in a feild or tumbling around...or hell, even chopping wood while camping...things that I like todo and can as a young man still...

but I cant...when even the small task of tying my shoe causes me discomfort, the larger tasks that I am so used to doing are far more troublesome now.

and with all that on my mind and emotions...ive got my lil bro in the military, always in threat of being sent over seas. Though he too seems to have a back issue himself at the moment...shall see how that plays out. And I also have the lack of money issue with bills to pay...AND to top it all off, my girlfriend is now living with me and still has no job nor do I get standard GF bonuses...

I tell myself, things arent too bad...I know they arnt...I still have a home, a vehicle, people who love me so forth and so forth...but honestly...I wana be me again....

Le' Sigh

2009-06-19T17:05:10Z

So just when I think my stress levels where gonna level out...that I am gonna maybe get some better peace of mind...

work schedualed me on thurday and I was never told...

so obviously i didnt show up, nor call in. Even though I was taken off work due to my injury, the date on the paper ran out...so yeah, i got nailed hard.

So now i get to see what my doctor and/or lawyer can or will do to help this situation...

i dunno, but i figured that when your busy filing for State Disability, I think that shows your hurt enough not to go back to work...but thats just me...

>< i just wana kick them in the gonads right about now...

updates are good

2009-06-01T06:24:20Z

well Ive finally gotten an MRI scan on my back, and the results are in.

muh back is fuckered up good *nods*

im not posting details incase its important that I dont or some such...dunno what im allowed legally in this just yet, but yeah, my back has at least 3 disks not doin well.

2 of the disks are at the point where surgury is an option...I think one is almost double that number so its likely on that one...

well, this at least lets me know I havent been faking it...I have worried that it was my own hypocondria and imagination working in tandom, but this shows im okay :D its real pain not fake! yay...sorta...

however, in the end, my back isnt gettin better, and Im out of regular chiropractor visits...so I dun get my feel good adjustments...i r sad...

so yeah...life is crap, and im almost back to square zero, luckily i has a womans this time so its not nearly as bad a feeling *nodsnods*

now to just work on that gettin laid business...

Today...

2009-04-23T08:24:51Z

Today...

i am older...

blarg...and no money or healthy body to celebrate...oh well...

as things are...

2009-04-02T07:33:37Z

so an up to date situation...

my lower back is confirmed to have some form of nerve issues through imperical data. most likely chronic.

muh lawyer is hard to get in touch with, but im getting up ass early in the morn to call him...seems thats the best time for some gawd aweful reason >< grr...

imma try and see what all i can and cant get outta this effed up situation ><

well, things could be worse...